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********************
"What the Hell are we supposed to do here all day?" Spike muttered, pacing
the basement.
"What do we usually do all day?" Angel replied mildly. Spike frowned and
continued pacing.
"So, the Slayer, what’s going on with you two?" Spike asked.
"I don’t know," Angel replied with a sigh. "I told her I was coming
back and she started screaming at me and crying. I thought it would make her happy,
but I guess that’s impossible. I don’t know how to make her happy."
"You know what I hate?" Spike asked. "Self pity. I may have a soul,
but I’m not gonna turn soft like you." Angel grinned suddenly.
"Soft, huh?" he asked. "And who’s been mooning over a certain singer
all night? Who wanted to bolt upstairs a few hours ago even though the sun was about
to rise?"
"Shut up," Spike muttered. Angel laughed.
"You can’t tell me I’m alone anymore Spike, my boy. Now you’re just like I am.
And when she cries, you’ll be just as miserable."
"Bloody hell I will," Spike exclaimed. Angel didn’t bother to reply, just
smiled. "Wanker."
"Just be glad Spike," Angel said in a serious tone. "Just be happy
that you don’t have to worry about losing her." Spike sighed, serious as well.
"I am, and yet…it’s hard not to be a bit afraid, isn’t it?" Angel nodded
wisely.
"Very, very hard. Because you usually have reason to be."
********************
Jewel stopped in the middle of a yawn and turned to look at the ringing phone. "Um…Buffy?"
"Got it!" the Slayer called from her bedroom. There was a pause and Jewel
began to yawn again, then paused as she heard Buffy say, "Hey Will. No, we’re
okay. Sorry I didn’t call last night, we had a run in with Drusilla." There
was a pause and Buffy appeared on the stairs, wearing penny pushers and a tank top,
brushing her hair with one hand as she balanced the phone on the opposite shoulder.
"We’re all fine. Yeah, she kind of figured out Spike wasn’t her Bad Boy anymore."
Jewel bit her lip and shifted on the couch. Buffy smiled at her as she stepped off
the last stair.
"How are you?" Buffy asked. There was a pause and then Buffy laughed. "Yeah,
he seemed less than enthusiastic." Another pause and then the slayer sobered.
"We talked." Jewel slid off the couch and gestured downstairs.
"I’m gonna go check on them," she whispered. Buffy nodded, putting a hand
up to catch the phone as it began to slip.
"He’s going to stay," Buffy said softly. Jewel smiled as even from the
door to the basement she could hear Willow’s shriek. Even Buffy smiled a little.
"I don’t know. I should be happy. I mean, I am happy, I’m just still
scared that he won’t really stay. That he’s just saying that. Plus my mom found out
and she’s currently wigging." Jewel gave Buffy another glance then opened the
door and stepped down, closing it behind her to make sure no light got in. She stepped
down, her eyes adjusting to the slight gloom.
"Jewel," he called softly and she smiled suddenly, rushing the rest of
the way down straight into his arms. She blinked, still trying to see his face. Her
smile faltered as she remembered her dream.
"What’s the matter?" he asked. "Are you all right? I wanted to come
up when I heard you…"
"I’m fine," she said quickly. "I’m totally wonderful. I mean, maybe
not wonderful but I’m definitely okay. It was just a nightmare, that’s all. I was
frightened, but it was nothing really." His hand caressed her cheek softly.
"I’m sorry love," he whispered. She smiled softly.
"It’s all right." She pulled away slightly and glanced over at Angel, who
stood a little ways away. "You two having fun down here?"
"Oodles," Spike muttered. Angel half-smiled.
"Where’s Buffy?" he asked.
"Talking to Willow," Jewel replied. "She just got dressed, but she’ll
probably be down in a minute. I actually should go home and change into something
actually clean soon, but I wanted to make sure you were both all right. Do you need
anything?"
"Yeah, y’ know, Buffy should put some magazines down here, maybe a book or two,"
Spike murmured. Jewel laughed softly.
"Very funny. Seriously, is there anything you really need? You’re not bored
out of your minds?"
"Not yet," Angel replied wryly.
"Well let’s keep the hope alive!" Jewel laughed.
"Hello, anyone alive down here?" Buffy asked, opening the door. She winced.
"Probably not the right question." She closed it behind her and trotted
down the stairs.
"How’s Willow?" Angel asked.
"She’s fine, I just was filling her in on all our little adventures," Buffy
said cheerfully, though Jewel could tell some of it was forced. She seemed to be
avoiding looking right at Angel, just not looking at anyone.
"I was just saying that I should probably go get non-wrinkly clothes,"
Jewel said, glancing down at herself. "And I left my guitar at the mansion."
"Right. I think I’ll manage," Buffy said. Jewel nodded and turned to Spike.
"I’ll come back later," she promised. He nodded.
"Good bye," he whispered. She gave him a little smile, then waved to Buffy
and Angel as she turned to go back up the stairs. Out in the living room, the door
closed behind her, she let the fear overcome her again, sweeping through her like
a tidal wave.
What was she going to do?
********************
"Maybe we should cast the curse on Drusilla," Willow suggested, glancing
up from Oz who was painting her toenails purple.
"I don’t think so," Buffy said, shaking her head. "Dru’s a nutcase…she
wouldn’t be able to handle getting her soul back."
"It would destroy her," Angel agreed quietly.
"So we all get to be munchies instead?" Xander asked lightly.
"No, only you," Oz replied, as near as Oz ever got to laughing. Xander
made a disgusted noise and Oz sat back, finished. Willow wriggled her toes, grinning
and hopped off the table, careful not to smudge anything. The gang was gathered in
the library, and Giles wasn’t there to complain about nail polish fumes.
"Even if we did change Dru, someone else would take over. I’ll just have to
face her eventually, or hope she starts thinking we’re all butterflies or something,"
Buffy said.
"Butterflies," Oz repeated. "Pretty, delicate." Buffy and Willow
exchanged smiles as Xander rolled his eyes again. He just missed Cordelia, though
he wouldn’t admit it in a thousand years.
"So where are Spike and Jewel?" Willow asked, noticing the absence.
"At the mansion. Thank you for putting that spell on it Willow." The amateur
witch glowed at the praise. She’d spelled the house earlier so Drusilla couldn’t
come in; they’d reinvited Spike and Angel.
"Welcome," she said. Oz smiled and kissed her softly. Xander sighed. Buffy
grinned, then glanced at the clock.
"We should go patrolling," she informed Angel. He nodded. "I’ll see
you guys later," she told her friends, then turned toward the door. Angel was
already there, waiting for her.
"Hey, Buff," Xander called as she walked away. She paused and turned back.
"Did you make any phone calls last night?"
"Phone calls?" she asked innocently and exited the library, trying to control
her giggling.
********************
"And that was how we got to America," Spike finished. He paused in his
story, glancing at Jewel, who smiled at him and gestured for him to keep going. "There’s
not much to tell really."
"Not much to tell!" she exclaimed. "You lived for over two hundred
years and there’s nothing to tell?" He smiled and she lost all her words. Part
of her was still crying at her to run; to stand up, turn around, run out of the mansion
and just keep running forever.
The other part couldn’t think of anything but his lips.
"Do you want something to drink maybe?" he asked, standing up. Jewel stood
too, though she didn’t know why. He took a step toward the fridge but she shook her
head. He turned back to her and looked at her for a long while.
"You were, um, telling me about America," she said with a sigh, trying
to concentrate on the conversation.
"Was I?" he asked softly. She managed a nod, her eyes never leaving his.
Oh, his eyes. "Uh, yes. Dru and I wanted to find a place to stay. Um, she was
weak so I wanted someplace nice." His eyes were so dark and intense and—Jewel
tore her gaze away and settled it on his throat. Where his pulse should have been.
There was no pulse, but she still had an irrepressible urge to kiss the hollow it
should be beating in. She repressed it firmly and shifted her gaze upward again.
To his lips.
Big mistake.
When will he kiss me? she wondered. They’d been so close several times, but never…not
a real kiss. She wanted a real kiss. Her eyes locked to his soft, soft lips, to the
gentle curves that she knew would be so sweet, she let out a little sigh.
Spike noticed that he didn’t have her undivided attention. At least, his story didn’t.
He broke off and regarded her softly. One of his hands came up and touched her cheek,
a gentle caress. "What’s wrong?" he asked tenderly.
Jewel wrenched her gaze from his lips up to his eyes and lost herself again. "Nothing,"
she managed to whisper, suddenly having a very hard time forming a coherent thought.
"I, um, I—" And then it happened. His lips captured hers and his hand left
her face, threaded it’s way into her hair. His other hand slipped around her waist,
pulling her closer as their mouths and souls met.
Jewel’s arms encircled his neck and she drew him closer yet, unable to believe how
right his lips felt on hers. How right it was to be here, in his arms, every part
of them touching. How soft and sweet his lips were. Like water when she was dying
of thirst.
And yet still, there was the fear.
They broke apart, slowly, gently, a few centimeters only. They were both trembling
and Jewel gasped for air. "I’m sorry," Spike murmured. "I’ve been
wanting to do that for the longest ti—" His apology was cut short as she captured
his lips for another kiss and another and another. When he spoke, all she could hear
was his voice in her dream, telling her he’d changed his mind. But there was nothing
she could deny about kissing him, nothing of doubt. Just perfection.
And yet.
They broke apart a bit farther this time, Jewel still gasping. A slight smile curved
on his lips, making her tremble even more. "I’ve never felt like this before,"
he whispered, his voice honest and raw in it’s vulnerability.
"Neither have I," she replied, and part of it was true; most of it was
true. The way he made her feel…the flames flowing through her veins, burning her
skin…she’d never felt anything like it. But the other, the fear. That she’d felt
before. With Ben. And that morning before, when she woke up screaming just as dawn
breached the sky.
"What is it?" he asked, his hand loosening it’s grip in her hair as he
saw a flash of fear across her face. She went still, very still, feeling every inch
of him against her, feeling the coldness that crept through her and the warmth that
he engendered. What was she going to do?
The only thing she could, while the fear lived inside her heart.
"I can’t do this," she said, her voice cracking, beginning to pull away.
He blinked, unsure of what he’d heard.
"What do you mean?" he asked. Her mouth quirked as tears threatened.
"I can’t. I want you and I love you but I’m afraid…I’m afraid you won’t want
me and it’ll be too late. That I’ll lose everything. I can’t take the chance."
"What chance?" he demanded harshly. "It’s called life." His voice
gentled as he saw her pain, as she detached herself from him completely and began
to turn away, the tears flowing freely now. "I’ll never leave you love. I couldn’t,
ever. It’s impossible."
"But it’s not," she whispered. "It’s not. You’re going to live forever
and I’m just this little nothing. You don’t even know me. You could get bored or
realize there’s so much more for you somewhere else, with someone else. I just, I
can’t!"
"Jewel!" he called, reaching for her, running after her, but she was gone,
into the night, sobs shaking her body, just running and running though as fast she
went, and as far, she could never escape the fear or the memory of his eyes.
********************
"So now I’m stuck in Biology! Of all things!" Buffy exclaimed, shuddering.
Angel smiled slightly and Buffy turned the key on the door and opened it, pausing.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Do you want me to?" he asked. There was a moment of silence and then Buffy
nodded.
"I think so. Yes. Yes, I want you to."
"Then I will," he replied softly and followed her into her house. Buffy
shut the door behind them and leaned on it, smiling at him. He was staying. He was
really, truly staying. And there was no clause.
"What is this?" Joyce’s voice asked sternly. Buffy winced and stepped away
from the door to regard her mother, standing in the doorway. Angel looked away.
"Should I go?" he asked.
"Yes!" Joyce exclaimed just as Buffy said firmly, "No." He looked
confused.
"Stay Angel," Buffy repeated, putting a hand on his hand to keep him there.
He stayed.
"Angel is a visitor, is that okay Mom?" Buffy asked in a sarcastic tone.
"Don’t use that tone of voice with me," Joyce sniped. "We need to
talk."
"Yes we do. Angel is moving back to Sunnydale and we’re back together."
"Well that’s just not all right!" Joyce exclaimed. Buffy regarded her in
shock and horror.
"What are you talking about? I am eighteen Mom! I can make my own decisions
about my life! You don’t get to dictate who I date and who I don’t. And I don’t see
how you get off telling me that I can’t be with Angel! Besides, the clause in the
curse is gone! He can’t lose his soul again," Buffy told her.
"As long as you live under my roof, you’ll obey my rules," Joyce told her.
Buffy laughed, a mocking sound.
"Oh, I didn’t see *that* one coming! Could you be more old-fashioned Mom?"
"I don’t know, why don’t you try me?"
"Well it doesn’t matter anyway. If living here gives you the rights to treat
me like a child, I just won’t live here! I’ll-I’ll live with Angel!" Joyce went
white. Buffy smiled triumphantly, not even pausing to think what Angel might think
of all this. "Come on Angel, let’s go. I’ll come back for my stuff tomorrow."
Buffy turned on her heel and stalked out of the house, Angel right on her heels.
Joyce stood in the living room long after the door had closed, and began to cry.
********************
"Oh wow," Buffy breathed. "What did I just do? Oh wow."
They were about a block from her house and Buffy was freaking out.
"It’s okay, Buffy. It’ll be okay," Angel said reassuringly. She blinked
and frowned slightly.
"You don’t have to—I mean, I can actually get a job and rent an apartment or
god forbid, live in the dorms. I mean, I didn’t mean to impose and you don’t have
to—"
"It’s all right," he told her, interrupting. "I would love for you
to come live with me. I’m sure Spike will want a place of his own soon and that mansions’
kind of big for one person anyway." A corner of Angel’s mouth turned up and
Buffy’s followed suit.
"Thank you Angel," she whispered. One of his hands crept up to her face.
"I love you. And I am happy you’re staying, I really am. Beyond happy."
One of her hands crept up and found his, clutching at it tightly.
"So am I," Angel whispered. "So am I."